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“The real epidemic was never Covid; it’s all the damn clones,” a source in General Eric M. Smith’s office told Real Raw News after U.S. Marines on Monday “unalived” two Hillary Clones on opposite sides of the country at the same time of day.
When Gen. Smith heard that Clinton would attend a Monday memorial service for a liberal billionaire who allegedly put a bullet in his brain on 23 February, he activated a Marine reconnaissance platoon to investigate the claim. He was doubly concerned because Clinton was also scheduled to attend a fundraising brunch at the Coasterra Restaurant in San Diego—3,000 miles away and only an hour after Thomas H. Lee’s Manhattan memorial was scheduled to begin. Unless the person purporting to be Clinton had access to a Star Trek transporter or could pilot an SR-71 Blackbird, she couldn’t magically appear simultaneously in New York and California.
A second Marine squad visited New York to see whether a Clinton lookalike surfaced at Lee’s memorial.
Both teams had clear rules of engagement. First, figure out whether the imposters were clones or human actors. If clones, “unalive” them; if actors, make an arrest.
Accomplishing that task meant the Marines would have to isolate and capture the Clinton copies, then inspect them for abnormalities—flat feet, missing molars, deformed genitals—common among the clones found at the Alaska and Missouri cloning laboratories. Our source reluctantly shared an added defect—heterochromia, the presence of different colored eyes in the same person. Heterochromia in humans appears either as a hereditary trait unassociated with other disease, as a symptom of various syndromes, or as the result of a trauma.
White Hats say clones among us hide the defect with colored contact lenses or through corrective surgery.
The Marines in New York spotted a wretched Clinton doppelganger outside the Lincoln Center for Performing Arts, where she commingled with mourners paying final respects to Lee. Undercover and at a distance, they peered at her scraggly face through binoculars, looking for telltale signs of a body double in a mask or doused in makeup—seams around the neck, a person caparisoned in excessive clothing unbefitting of the weather, the disparity in the size and shape of ears, etc., but they couldn’t decide from their rooftop perch, 100 yards away. To their surprise, a man looking like former President Bill Clinton joined Hillary as the throng of mourners left the service for limousines crowding the gridlocked street.
William Jefferson Clinton actual died by poisoning following his military tribunal at Guantanamo Bay in September 2021. His estranged wife, a lesbian, was hanged to death at GITMO four months earlier.
“This was a chance to knock out two birds with one stone. We want to destroy as many clones as possible, thin those numbers, while we’re working to find all the labs, but we still try to be mindful that these could be actors, and we want to know who’s paying them. When the Clintons got into a limo and drove off, the Marines tailed them. Not an easy feat since Manhattan is one of the most crowded places on the planet. If they tried to stop the car, they had the driver to contend with, too,” our source said.
The Marines chose patience over imprudence, and they shadowed the limousine as it navigated the city streets and eventually left Manhattan for Queens via the 59th Street Bridge, ultimately arriving in affluent Astoria late in the afternoon. The limo stopped in a quiet cul-de-sac beside an opulent three-story, Victorian-style home. After the driver opened the trunk to retrieve luggage, the Marines made their move, tazing the driver and pulling the Clinton copies from the vehicle. Bill and Hillary protested, shouting, “Don’t you know who we are?” The unit commander replied, “We know who you aren’t,” while his team shoved the pair into a civilian van and began examining them for clone indicators. Sure enough, both had fallen arches and wore contacts to conceal mismatched eyes. The duo insisted they were “Mrs. and Mr. President HillaryClinton” and said they had “ransom insurance.” The unit commander asked, “If you’re Bill Clinton, where’s your secret service detail, and why do you have one brown and one blue eye,” to which Bill’s clone responded, “They should be here, and I’ve always worn contacts, so I didn’t look weird.”
“This tells us that clones, during the maturation process, are programmed to explain away differences with the real article, but believe they are the real people. The Marines ‘unalived’ them, bullet to the heads. There was an unfortunate complication. They had to take the driver, who was just an ordinary chauffeur who believed he was picking up and dropping off the Clintons. And he’s detained, screaming bloody murder that he saw us kidnap the Clintons—he didn’t see the clones get shot. So, we’re trying to figure this out,” our source said.
Meanwhile, the Marines in California had better success isolating their copy of Hillary Clinton. After leaving the Coasterra soiree in San Diego, the Hillary facsimile sauntered alone along a pier on the luxurious Sunrose Resort Marina. A tranquilizer dart hit her neck, and Marines encircled her/it, hurriedly putting the unconscious creature in the rear seat of a waiting SUV. Unlike the New York clones, the San Diego Hillary had “normal eyes,” but the Marines found other signs of cloning technology: Their Hillary had no genitalia.
The Marines executed the clone.
“All clones are now at Camp Pendleton being studied. We have leads on other cloning labs, both in the U.S. and overseas, we’re following up on. It’s hard to tell how many have been let loose in public,” our source said in closing.