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JAG Sentences Eric Holder to Hang

If silence were golden in JAG’s eyes, detainee Eric Holder comported himself well at the start of Monday’s proceedings, but Vice Admiral Darse E. Crandall, after summarizing Friday’s transcript, clearly wanted from Holder an admission of guilt in the matter of firearms that went missing and were used in homicides and a mass shooting event, under his watch as attorney general of the United States.

But Holder had chosen to remain silent as he sat at the defense table with a smug expression indelibly etched on his weathered face. He had heard the admiral call him “a traitor,” a “cowardly assassin by proxy,” and a “servant” of the most diabolical creature to walk the earth—Barack Hussein Obama.

The admiral addressed Holder directly: “Your keeper, your master, your lord, your liege has thrown you under the bus. You were nothing to him but a blunt tool. He used you and tossed you aside like a piece of trash. I’ll give you a choice to make that’ll expire in one minute: change your verdict to guilty, admit Obama masterminded Fast & Furious and Gunrunner, agree to testify against him in the future, and I’ll recommend to this panel a life sentence instead of the more final option.”

A minute passed.

“I guess you’ll die for Obama,” the admiral said.

He showed the panel his next evidence, an official document Holder had authored and sent to CIA Director John Brennan—executed by JAG in May 2021 on different charges—in June 2013. It authorized Brennan to drone strike a gathering of the Missouri Citizens Militia for no other reason than they “continue to push disproven theories POTUS is Muslim, not born in the U.S.A., and that POTUS fabricated his long-form birth certificate.” Holder named seven militia members, including founder Aaron Penberthy, who had to die in an “effective, surgical” strike. He even provided the CIA with an excuse for exceeding its purview—telling the public and press that the militia was a mix of domestic and foreign terrorists who joined forces to plan the assassination of Barack Hussein Obama.

The operation, the admiral said, never saw fruition because the militia gathering never took place. Apparently, they’d been tipped off.

“That Holder’s sinister plan didn’t happen, and the American citizens are still alive doesn’t lessen the gravity of this crime—conspiracy to commit murder. We have authenticated the document as well as Holder’s handwriting. How petty. Plotting murder over the question of citizenship. Obama must really hate people who challenge his birthright.”

“As with the lot of these Deep Staters, enemies of America, we could spend months and years giving evidence but is a waste of money and this commission’s time. The accused doesn’t seem interested in offering a defense, so I offer that this tribunal finds detainee Eric Holder guilty of treason against the United States and of conspiracy to commit murder,” the admiral said.

Holder stayed silent while the panel quietly deliberated his fate.

“We find the defendant, Eric M. Holder, guilty as charged on both counts and urge him to get the maximum punishment,” said the highest-ranking officer on the panel.

“A verdict has been reached unanimously,” the admiral said, glancing at a stone-faced Holder. “The convicted is now sentenced to hang by the neck until dead…It seems we have an open slot Friday, July 21, at 10:00 a.m.

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